Why I Decided To Let Go Of The “By This Age” Mentality


A couple of months ago, I came across a viral Facebook meme that read, “Check on ya’ll friends born in 1989; next year they turn 30.” Humorously, I shared the meme with a response that said, “Okay. First of all, mind ya business.” Although myself and a few of my Facebook friends had a good laugh about it, it’s true and almost surreal. This October, I will be 30.

Like most of us do, by my early 20’s, I had my life all planned out. I wanted to be married by 30 with children. Yet here I am at 29-years-old, single with no kids. I’m not sure what it is about the age of 30 that we all feel like we should be settled into this life of marriage and parenthood, but somehow that became the standard age to “have it all figured out.” I’m human, so of course the closer I got to 30-years-old, the more I felt like I missed the mark somewhere along my 20’s. I would think, “Why am I not married? Why don’t I have kids?” It also doesn’t help when you live in a society that measures a woman’s worth by whether or not she has children and “IF” she’s in a relationship or not, no matter how shitty or miserable the relationship may be. The confusion would only deepen for me as I saw my friends and peers enter into the life of wife and mother.

It wasn’t until last year that I realized I had to let go of the “by this age” mentality because it was causing me to feel that I was not only rushing something that should certainly be handled with great patience and decisiveness, but I felt unappreciative of the things that I have accomplished ahead of marriage and children. I have a great job, a nice car, good credit, financial responsibility, the internship that I wanted, and a nice apartment (soon to be a homeowner, fingers crossed). Ideally, these are things that one would expect to have before getting married and having children. I would say that I’m laying a pretty solid foundation for those things to flow and fit into my life someday. However, it is a MUST that I show gratitude and thankfulness for the things that I HAVE been blessed with before 30.

I said all of that to say that things will happen for you when they’re supposed to. Do not base your life and where you feel you should be on the lives of others because life happens for every one differently.



  1. Happiness is like a big cake
    Living by the age mentality will slightly take a piece of that cake little by little when goals aren’t accomplished.
    Fuck the age, I say just be yourself and live life.
    Age is nothing but a number

    Liked by 1 person

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